Tag Archives: baby

Driving with an Open Container

3 Jan

The day after Christmas, I was cleaning up after several of our friends had come over. Zoey was driving her little car around the kitchen (Backwards, she can only drive backwards. Women drivers, hmph.) as I cleaned. I was rinsing beer cans to recycle, when I thought it might be cute to take a picture of Zoey holding one while driving her car. I rinsed one out really well, and handed it to her.

Her expression was priceless. I captured an adorable picture. THEN, she put it to her mouth as if she was drinking it. I had to take another picture. It was too perfect! I started out texting this picture to people because I was too nervous to put it online. Then I decided that twitter and path should see it. My husband put it on facebook, so I did too. Then, he said “You should try to submit it to parenting failblog!”

One of my favorite websites is the Parenting Fails part of icanhascheezburger.com. I have the feed saved in my Google reader and I check it every day. I decided to do it. I uploaded it, and the very next day Zoey was featured on the front page! http://parenting.failblog.org/2011/12/28/crazy-parenting-fails-replace-the-car-with-a-fixie-and-were-golden/ There’s the link, if you want to see it.

I know that I’m probably the only mom that had a goal to get a picture of her child on parenting.failblog.org. That doesn’t really bother me. It’s not like I fail at parenting. I would never do anything that would harm her. I love my daughter, I just like to capture humorous moments. I don’t want to be an uptight parent. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not too “free.” I like to try to strike a balance. For example: Zoey formed her own schedule. She naps at the same times every single day. She eats at the same times every single day. She goes to bed at the same time every single night. Now, I make sure she sticks to it. I won’t go shopping if I know her nap time is in 30 minutes.  I may be strict about things like schedule, but I’m not going to play the “my kid is perfect and never does wrong and look at all of the awesome things she does” game (She obviously wasn’t doing wrong here, though. It’s not like she grabbed the can all by herself.) My kid is perfect to me, but she probably isn’t as perfect to other people. Sure, she is definitely the happiest baby I’ve ever met. She rarely cries. She isn’t perfect, though. If her teeth are bothering her, look out. You will have one clingy, fussy baby on your hands. I was about to write that she will still stick to her nap time, but I reeeeally don’t want to jinx anything.

You ever notice how a lot of parents only talk about the good stuff their kids do? No one talks about when the kids are cranky. No one talks about if their toddler throws a temper tantrum while grocery shopping (unless you are on twitter, people are more honest there). Parents just want to look good to other parents. That’s why I didn’t post the picture online at first. I didn’t want to look bad. Then I realized that that’s not me. I have a sense of humor. No point in hiding it just so I don’t look bad.  I would become one of those parents. It shouldn’t matter what other people think, as long as I know that I love my kid more than anything and that I try my best to take care of  her in the best way I can. So here it is. I put a beer can in my ten month old’s hands to take a picture. She ended up on a website about parenting fails. You might think I’m a bad mom. That’s ok. We’re just different people with different senses of humor.

Just don’t follow me on twitter.


Zoey’s First Christmas

27 Dec

This was Zoey’s first Christmas, and it was definitely a success! She racked up on presents. One of my aunts bought her every single toy that has been invented.  The rest of my family welcomed her as if she was their grand-baby or niece. She had SO much fun ripping the wrapping paper off of gifts. She also really liked waving the tissue paper around. We had to actually take the papers away from her so that she could discover the toys she got.

We got her a red wagon with a canopy for Christmas. It is mostly in anticipation of Mardi Gras. I’m already crocheting some Mardi Gras accessories for her.

Now, my living room and her bedroom are stuffed with toys. Next up? Purchasing toy storage!

Notice my finger in the way. I just took a picture of the picture. Zoey kind of looks like Santa, don't you think?

Microwave Generation

17 Nov

A few days ago, our microwave started acting strangely. When the door is closed and it is turned off, it would still run and heat invisible food. Because of this, we have decided to leave it unplugged until we get a new one. It was getting a little scary.

I can’t begin to tell you how much of an inconvenience this is. I didn’t think we used our microwave that much. Plus, it’s fairly new. Now I have to use the stove or the oven to reheat leftovers, cook pizza rolls, EVERYTHING. It takes soooooooo much longer. I’m hungry now, I don’t want to wait ten long minutes before  can eat! I want to pop it into the microwave for 30 seconds and eat right now.

(I’m waiting for pizza rolls to come out of the damn oven at this very moment.)

Realizing how much of an inconvenience this has been has made me think (I don’t normally think very much). I remember being told that microwaves take most of the nutrients out of food. Then I thought of how often we use the microwave to reheat food. Then I thought about our health. Then I thought about my baby. Damn it. Being a mom is making me all responsible and shit.

Before microwaves were invented, it was normal to have to wait for food. We’ve become spoiled because we’ve never known a world without microwaves. In the same way, my daughter will never know a world without technologies like the internet. She’ll never have to wait by the radio for hours just to hear one song. She can just Google the video and hear it on YouTube. She’ll never have to sneak behind our backs and watch MTV for hours waiting for her favorite music video (“November Rain” by Guns’n’Roses was what I snuck around for) because it is available online at any moment for her. MTV doesn’t even have music videos anymore.

She will probably be even more impatient that I am. That saddens me a little. It’s not like I can take away technology from her so that she grows up humble. That would be wrong and she could get picked on. It’s not like I can tell her things like “Appreciate this because we didn’t have it when I was young!” because I’ll just sound like an uncool old person. Times just change quickly. We have to work with what we’ve got.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely glad that technology moves forward so quickly. I love convenience. I’m glad that my child will grow up in a world with electricity, indoor plumbing, central heat and air, computers, smart phones, etc. It just makes it more difficult to ask other moms what they did in certain situations. I’m sure they didn’t pull out their smart phone and let their baby play with an interactive baby app. I’m sure this sort of thing is another type of “mom war” topic on the internet. I’m not googling to find out. I just want to raise my baby the best way I know how, and that includes technology. We were just in the eye doctor’s office and I forgot to bring any toys. I let Zoey “make stars” (the app is a blank screen, and when you touch it, stars appear) on my phone to keep her quiet.  Where would I be without technology? Some parents think that kids shouldn’t play with things like that until after the age of two. There was even the video of the kid trying to use a magazine as an ipad. You can’t blame technology for that. My kid knows the difference between a book and a computer. We read books to her every night. That kid’s parents probably didn’t read to the kid. Or maybe they read ebooks. That’s ok. Technology is changing the world we live in and I’m sure the kid will grow up and develop at the same rate as other children.

I just spilled a pizza roll guts all over my shirt.

My original plan was to get a new microwave this weekend. Now I’m considering waiting to see how long we can live without one. I haven’t consulted my husband, yet. Let’s see what happens!

Here, we see the nine month old infant called "Zoey" participating in an ancient tradition of "playing with toys in the bath tub." It doesn't involve any modern technologies, yet it is still enjoyable.

Macaroni Tears

5 Oct

About week ago, I went to lunch with a friend. While we were talking and eating, Zoey tried to grab everything off of the table. Toys didn’t interest her or distract her because she was focused on food. My friend asked if we could get a soft tortilla for Zoey to eat while we had lunch. That would be the perfect distraction to keep the baby’s hands off of the table. At first I was nervous. Before that day, Zoey had never eaten anything except for mashed baby food. I figured that my friend knew what she was doing, since she has two children of her own. I agreed and Zoey ate the tortilla. Guess what? SHE SURVIVED!!

After that experience, I’ve become a little more brave with allowing Zoey to try new foods. I bought cheerios for her, and she loved them. I gave her steamed vegetables without mashing them. I give her little bites of my food. She loves it all.

Tonight, we ate in a restaurant because we were running errands at supper time. My cousin met up with us and mentioned a kid’s menu. I didn’t order anything from the kid’s menu, but it gave us the idea to let her have some macaroni and cheese. My husband ordered it as his side dish and fed her the first bite. She loved it. He kept feeding her, and she continued to reach for more. She liked it so much that she began to shout if her daddy was taking too long giving her another bite of macaroni. It was adorable and she had cheese all over her face by the end of her meal. I’m not sure how it happened, but she even got cheese all over her glasses. I regret not taking a picture.

On our way home, I began to sob. Seriously.

This baby didn’t exist until February 16, 2011. I created her. She wasn’t here, then she formed inside of my body, and then she was here. AND SHE CAN EAT REAL FOOD LIKE MACARONI AND MOTHER FUCKING CHEESE. I know it sounds like a ridiculous reason to cry (I promise I was sober), but it all hit me at once and it kind of amazed me. It is so hard to believe that I made this baby, and she is a functioning human. I’m just plain ole me. How did I create this? (Not literally, I know how that happened.)

It made me so happy.

I usually have a similar emotional experience once every couple of days, but I never sob. I usually just find myself surprised/amazed that I created a baby, smile, and move on. I think the symbolism of her eating fully prepared food for the first time triggered the same type of emotion I’ll feel when she graduates or when she gets married. Oh my god. I created something that will graduate and eventually get married. I need to go and shower all of this emotion off of me right now. Right now.

Attack of the Four Eyed Monster

13 Sep

Here’s the latest: My baby is broken and so she had to get glasses.

When I say that she’s broken, I’m talking about a condition that she has that causes one of her eyes to turn inward. It is hereditary. Many people in my family have had it (on both sides of my family, she was screwed before birth), and many people in my family have gone blind in one eye because of it. When one eye faces inward, you will automatically stop using it and begin to depend on the eye that sees the best. Not using the eye causes it to stop working. The doctor said that it is great that we caught the problem so young, because it can be corrected before she loses vision.

The first step in correction is using glasses. Putting a prescription in front of the eye forces her to focus the eye, which forces her to use it. In 50% of cases caught this young, the eye muscles train themselves back into place because of the glasses causing her to use the eye. In the other 50% of kids, surgery is required. The glasses aren’t pointless in these cases, though. They still force the child to use the eye, which helps to make sure that they do not go blind and that their vision doesn’t get worse. Another thing I learned? Baby glasses cost about twice as much as adult glasses. I’m very thankful for insurance, right now.

Also, I thought it was really neat how the doctor figured out the prescription. I asked a million questions and I’m sure the doctor wanted to throw something at me. She held up a piece of glass with 10 different circles on it to Zoey’s eye. She shined the light through each circle and into the baby’s eye. She explained that these circles were sort of like prisms, and they cause light to reflect from the eye similar to the way your eyes turn red when the flash from a camera goes off. She said that she could tell from the amount of light that came back, which prescription to give to Zoey.

Now I have to admit, while I was expecting some sort of eye issue to be found, I still wasn’t prepared for my daughter to be put in glasses. She was only six months old at the time. It made me feel like I made a baby who wasn’t perfect. Like she was “broken.” It made me so upset because I can remember hating to wear my glasses throughout my entire life. I had always hoped that she would get “perfect” eyes from my husband (I can’t see two feet in front of me without glasses). I was disappointed for a while, until I took my daughter in public for the first time after getting glasses. Complete strangers will shout at you from across the room/doctor’s office/grocery store/any store just to tell you how cute they think your baby-with-glasses is. Seriously! I don’t think that this is just because Louisiana people are overly friendly, either! I think that people just really love babies in glasses! I had no idea, because I had never really paid attention to babies before I had one. I –I mean, she— was getting so much positive attention from the glasses that I began to seriously love them. Now Zoey is “the cute baby with glasses” instead of “the super fat baby with a million rolls all over her body.”

So now Zoey has had her glasses for a few weeks. She’s doing better than I expected. She definitely pulls them off (constantly). She definitely tries to eat them. It just isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I thought she would scream every time we would put them on her. Nope! She gets happy at first. I’m guessing because it really does help her. I’m just happy that she won’t go blind in that eye. I’m also happy about all of those really nice comments from strangers. Not going to deny that.

Wet T-Shirt Contest

27 Jul

If there was a wet t-shirt contest for babies, my daughter would win. I’m talking about drool. The amount of drool produced by this 16 pound baby is ridiculous. Her outfit is usually drenched. If I leave her in one of her play centers with a tray, there will be large puddles in the trays. Almost like little lakes. It has gotten to the point where I just ignore drool. I never would have thought that I would be able to ignore drool. The reason is because I really hate saliva. I hate the smell of it. I hate the way it feels. It is so disgusting. I even have trouble flossing my teethbecause saliva will get on my hands and I can’t wash them fast enough. I even feel uncomfortable if there is too much saliva in a kiss.

Here’s the really weird part. Sometimes, I love the smell of her drool. I think that maybe it is one of those weird “mom things.” I love the smell of her milk breath, the smell of her sweaty scalp, and the smell of her drool. CREEPY, RIGHT??

I don’t get it either. It totally creeps me out when I write it out and think about it.

Anyway, here’s a picture of my little ham, doing what she does best: hamming it up for the camera.

Solid Food for Thought

21 Jul

It’s official, we have started Zoey on solid foods. I waited until her five month “birthday”. We started with carrots, and it was an adorable experience.

On the first day, she was very unsure about having a new flavor and texture in her mouth. She didn’t like it at first. The next day, she loved it. My husband joked that she is just like me. It is normal for me to not want to try something new, but love it once I try it. I laughed it off when he said it, but now I’m thinking about it more. Imagine how much better my life would be if I wouldn’t have my mind set on not trying certain new things.

A lot of people who know me probably wouldn’t believe this about me. Mostly because I’m usually very open to most things. When it comes to food, activities, and other things, I’m nervous about change. I could eat rice and gravy every day for the rest of my life and I have no desire to try weird ingredients that I’ve never heard of. If I would try these things, I might find a new favorite food. I could miss out on an awesome new food, simply because I’m afraid to try something that I’m unfamiliar with. I could miss out on a new hobby because I think that it won’t be fun and I don’t even try it.

Perfect example: I hate video games. Mostly because I like attention and they take my husband’s attention away (let’s be real). The other day he downloaded onto the xbox a demo to an old Nintendo game that I played when I was younger. He asked me to play it with him and I refused at first. Eventually, I gave in. I had so much fun that I made him download the full version. We’ve been playing it pretty much every night since then, and I have a blast. (I also have a blast talking smack, because I kick his butt.)

If I would have said no to playing a game with him (like I always do), I could have missed out on extra bonding time. It was a lot of fun. I could have missed out on it all.

Now, I’m going to try to do new things often. I’m going to try and push myself out of my comfort zone more often. I want to encourage everyone else to do the same. Life is much too short, and it is really important to enjoy your life. Don’t forget to enjoy it. I know that it can get stressful at times, but don’t forget to love your life.

Just earlier, I was dancing in my living room while drinking wine straight from the bottle. Keep life fun. While you’re at it, tell people how you feel. If you have a nice thought about someone, you should definitely tell them. You never know when someone may need to hear something nice and you might make their entire day better.

These are new things I’m trying to live by. This damn baby is teaching me more than I’m teaching her.