Scum of the Earth

26 Oct

I’m not just saying that as a joke. That’s the way I really feel right now. I feel like the worst person in the world and I know that I was in the wrong.

I love twitter. About 90% of the people I like to hang out with are people who I’ve met on twitter. For me, it is an outlet to vent, to crack jokes, to be vulgar, and to talk about my life. It is perfect for me, because I can make an inappropriate joke about something if it stresses me out. That’s what I’ve always done my entire life and it was never acceptable with people I would hang out with. A reason that I love twitter is because that’s what most of the people I follow do, which gave me the false security of thinking I could be free with my words. I would push a limit, nothing would happen, then I would push again. I would make cruel jokes, people would laugh, favorite, and retweet, so I would continue to do it. I’m not blaming anything on anyone but myself. I’m only saying that I wasn’t strong enough to not get caught up in twitter popularity.

With all of that being said, I used to babysit a ten month old boy until today. When things would get stressful with him, I would vent on twitter. Even if it wasn’t too stressful, I would say silly things to get a laugh. The things I would say were things that I would probably say about my daughter on twitter, but I can definitely now see how it was hurtful to his parents. 

Today is the day that his mom let me know that someone told her that I would talk about her son on twitter sometimes. She began to follow me and got very offended by the things I would say. Until she texted me, I had no idea that I was saying offensive things. To me, I just take a situation, put an extreme spin to it, and put it on twitter for a laugh. Or even to vent. I’ve done this about coworkers, customers, my husband, family members, people that I like. I never thought that I was being offensive because I still liked the people and I always made similar jokes about them to their faces. I thought it was all harmless. I thought it was so harmless that I probably would have still posted most of the things I was posting if I would have known she was following me.

This was my wake up call. That sounds cliché, but it’s true. If this wouldn’t have happened, I would have continued to do this to everyone. I could have hurt even more people. I’m not the kind of person who likes to hurt people, so I felt so bad when I found out. I don’t believe that I can possibly describe how bad I felt. I was walking my dog and my baby when I got the text, and I had to come home in the middle of the walk to cry. I caused stress and pain to someone else and I felt like the worst person in the world. I caused so much stress and pain that they had to take time out of their day to find a new sitter.

What do I do now? Well, I’ve set my twitter account to private. Not because I don’t want people to see what I tweet, but because I don’t want to get any additional twitter followers for now. I’m trying to minimize and I don’t want to feel like I need to impress any new people. I’ve already deleted about 200 of my followers, and I plan to delete more. I haven’t even gone through the list of people who I follow, yet. I’m going to cut down on my twitter time. It had taken over my life, and that’s not right.

I’ve apologized to the mother, and I wish I could do more to show her how sorry I am. I know there isn’t much more that I can do, because I put myself into her shoes to see how I would feel if I was in her situation. I would have done the same thing. I wouldn’t have been forgiving at all. I wouldn’t even have been as polite as she was after I gave her my apology. 

I can still thank the ten month old for getting me in the habit of mopping every day. I can still thank him for showing me the way nap schedules can work, and helping me to get Zoey on one that worked for her. I can also thank him for helping me to have confidence in letting Zoey try new foods. Thanks to him, my house is already child proofed with outlet covers and cabinet safety things, before Zoey can even crawl.

All I can do is learn from this situation and move forward. It is difficult for all of us, but it’s all we can do.

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4 Responses to “Scum of the Earth”

  1. T October 27, 2011 at 6:45 pm #

    You seem like a really nice person who wouldn’t mean any harm. I hope they can see that as well! Feel better, you’re not scum, just human!

  2. cindi October 28, 2011 at 8:10 am #

    You are far from scum of the earth. I think that is totally shady that someone would tip off the boys mom and have her “spy” on you. Maybe you can teach me what you learned about nap schedules – because right now, that is not happening over here!

  3. tina October 31, 2011 at 10:37 am #

    hey cindi…is it really so wrong for a mom to hear randomly that someone is posting things about her innocent 10-month old publicly on the internet (regardless of the site) for anyone to read and put their two-cents in, and investigate the situation? Have you seen the comments people made? or the comments Kimmie agreed with? I, for one, don’t think it was an over-reaction. Kimmie, herself, has said she would have reacted even more severely. I don’t think “shady” is the word I would go with. I don’t think anyone involved was shady or “spying.” I think someone was concerned and a momma was protective and kimmie is sorry.

    kimmie, you aren’t scum and I’m glad you can see it from another perspective. The best advice I can give is to remember that the internet is public and not anonymous (regardless of privacy settings) and in spite of feeling like an innocent way to vent, things on the internet never EVER go away, and words have power!

    • ContradictingKimmy October 31, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

      Yes, Cindi has seen everything I have posted. She knows me from twitter. I believe the point she was trying to make is that it is odd that the mother didn’t confront me in the beginning to let me know that the tweets made her uncomfortable. If I had known, I would have toned things down. I had no idea that anything was wrong and wouldn’t have continued if I had. Instead, she continued to follow to look for more tweets that she wouldn’t like. My tweets weren’t serious and I probably still would have said the same things if I knew she was following me. The reason is because they aren’t meant to be taken seriously and I have nothing to hide.

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