I’m Genius

8 Sep

I’m so responsible. You have no idea how super-responsible I am. I never forget anything, like ever. Seriously, guys. I’m like the best mom in the world.


Today, a friend and I went shopping. Mostly for Halloween stuff (which was cut shorter than expected when we discovered that the Halloween store doesn’t open until TOMORROW), but we got a few other things, too. Zoey was with us, naturally. While preparing for our shopping-date, I packed a pre-made bottle with a lid on it. I put the nipple and other bottle parts in a separate bag so that there wouldn’t be any leaks. I thought that my idea was genius because the bottle wouldn’t leak and the bag wouldn’t get soggy. Again.

Everything was fine. Zoey was well-behaved in every store we went to. Even when we got yogurt. By the way, I let her try some of my yogurt and she liked it so much that I spent the rest of the time keeping her from grabbing it as I ate. She even kept trying to pull the bowl to her so that she could have more. Damn pig.

She was pulling so hard in that picture that I almost lost that battle.

Back on track. We had visited a few stores, gotten a few items for Halloween costumes and the party, and we were in a discount clothing store to find smaller items for our costumes. Zoey began to get very restless and started to shout. A check of my baby care app told me that it was time for her to eat. I took out her sealed bottle and the pieces to go with it. I began to put it together, then I noticed that something was missing. The main part of the bottle. The ring that screws onto it so that the nipple stays on the bottle and so that there are no leaks. How could I forget the main part of the bottle???? Either way, it happened. She was shouting, and I couldn’t feed her. STUPID BREASTS, WHY DON’T YOU WORK?? I decided to try and hold the nipple onto the bottle as tightly as I could and feed it to her. Maybe I could seal it well enough with my hands? No. It leaked out everywhere. We began to frantically search the baby department for bottles or sippy cups. NONE. I tried wrapping paper towels around the top of the bottle. Still leaked. Then we realized that we were near Target. We paid for our items at lightening speed, than pushed the stroller quickly next door. I had to buy a bottle identical to the one I was using, take the ring off of the new bottle and put it on my (already clean) bottle, and feed the hungry beast.

I felt like the worst mom ever. It’s been nearly seven months, shouldn’t I be an expert at this by now? No. Why not, you ask? Well, because of how quickly everything changes. It’s not like it’s seven months of a baby doing the same thing all of the time. No way. It is seven months of constant change and development. When we used to go out, I would pack a giant diaper bag (because moms are “supposed to” do that, right?). I would have the powder formula in one container, the water in another, and an empty bottle. Of course, she used to eat a lot more often back then, so I had to prepare for several bottles away from home. I also used to pack several diapers because she used to fill them a lot more often. Now when we go out, I pack a smaller bag with one bottle, two diapers, a wet bag, an extra outfit, and a toy. In the past when I premade bottles, they would leak everywhere. Today, I decided to leave the lid on (the one that you use when preparing the bottle by shaking it) so that there wouldn’t be anymore leaks. It definitely worked! It was just a new experimental way of carrying Zoey’s meal, emphasis on new. Since it was a new experience, I didn’t remember everything that I needed to remember. It was just a humbling reminder that life is a series of learning experiences and that we can never truly know everything. Now that I’ve made this mistake, I can guarantee that I will always check to make sure that I have the ring for the bottle packed. Next time, I’m sure that I’ll make a different mistake. It happens.

Damn baby. Trying to make me all humble and shit.

Next time you forget something that you “shouldn’t” forget, don’t beat yourself up. It is just another learning experience. I don’t care if you are 99 and a half years old. You are still learning things. You will never learn everything. No need to have a breakdown like I nearly did.

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