The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

31 Aug

My favorite holiday is Halloween. It always has been, ever since I was little. I’ve never minded having Halloween themed birthday parties (my birthday is pretty close to it) and I still do it now. Each year, I throw an adult Halloween party that doubles as my birthday celebration. We always have a great turn out and usually end up running out of booze or food. I love to get creative and make my own costumes.

No big deal. Just an alien baby, bursting from my uterus.

Last year I was pregnant, and I didn’t want a cheesy costume (like painting a pumpkin on my tummy or wearing a giant cardboard box: “a bun in the oven!”). Instead, I chopped a baby doll in half, spray painted it green, strapped it to tummy and drenched myself in blood. I got mixed reactions. Some people thought it was the best costume ever. Other people said “I feel sorry for your future child. Never show her pictures of this.” I can’t wait to show her pictures of it! If she is anything like me or my husband, she will think it is the coolest thing ever! I would also like to take a moment to point out how awesome my prego-boobs were in this picture. Best part about being knocked up, if you ask me.

Let me entertain you.

The year before that, I was Freddie Mercury. I even completed my costume with a broken mic stand and mustache. If you don’t know me, let me fill you in on a little secret. I’m obsessed with Queen and it is pretty much the only band I listen to. I watch documentaries and concerts over and over again. I have read several biographies. I could kick your ass at a trivia challenge about Queen or about Freddie. I even own the nursery rhyme versions of their music. You have no idea how sad I am that I will never be able to see Queen perform with Freddie. Our wedding song was even a Queen song. “You’re My Best Friend.”

Want to touch my penis?

Another year, I was Sue Johanson. I was a huge fan of her and she was retiring that year. If you’ve never heard of her, she was the host of “Talk Sex with Sue.” She was a little old grandma who would talk about sex on tv and on the radio. She would take callers’ questions and answer them on air. There were always hilarious questions like “If I pee inside of her, will she get pregnant?” or “Will semen really whiten my teeth? My boyfriend keeps telling me it will.” She was the BEST at answering these questions, and she loved to demonstrate the answers with visual aids, like dolls to model sex positions or a dildo to demonstrate how to pleasure a penis. You haven’t lived until you have seen an old woman stroking a dildo. It’s like your grandmother giving you sex tips. When we went to the bars, everyone wanted to take pictures with me and touch my dildo.

I’m super proud of my creations. They take time and money to create. I usually have an entire costume planned out in (or before) the month of May. This year? Tomorrow begins September and I haven’t decided on what kind of costume to make. I’ve even considered skipping Halloween. If I can’t do it right, I don’t want to do it at all. I’m sure I’ll figure something out. I’ve already gotten several text messages asking me if we are having a party. Kind of have no choice, right? Maybe I’ll find a way to reuse my old wedding dress. Well, maybe not. It is huge and I will want to be able to sit. It sucks that I’m not insecure enough to just wear lingerie. That would be an easy way out.

How do all of you celebrate Halloween? Do you go to the bars? Do you attend parties? Do you create or buy your costumes? (If you say buy, I will judge you. You’ve been warned.)

Here’s another “hot topic.” What do you do with your kids? Do you bring them trick or treating? You would be surprised about how many mothers are against Halloween. I’ll write about that another day. That’s another “internet mom war” that annoys me.

4 Responses to “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”

  1. Heather B August 31, 2011 at 3:52 pm #

    I’m not the biggest fan of Halloween. My mom dressed my sister and I up as Christmas presents (I’ll have to find pictures of this…it’s pretty bad). I’m not that big on being scared and that’s all people seem to do around Halloween. I would like to like Halloween more. You would think I would like it more since I love dressing up lol.

  2. Monster For Rent August 31, 2011 at 5:10 pm #

    Big Halloween fan here and I think you’ve really got to put your nose to the grindstone and come up with a costume idea for this year.

    Halloween only comes once a year and it would be a shame to miss out on the fun and memories that you have. I have a theory that memories are more easily created when on vacation or in a costume!

    Best of luck.

  3. Rebecca Barbato August 31, 2011 at 5:42 pm #

    Umm…yeah. I get into it.

  4. Rebecca Barbato August 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    Crap…it didn’t post my picture! I’ll message you with it on facebook.

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