A Chapter Ends, So I Write a New One

22 Jun

Today was Peppy‘s funeral. Even though I wasn’t a family member or anything, it was still very difficult. It is so painful to know that the world is continuing on, yet his world has ended. It doesn’t feel fair. It also hurts to know that every time I visit the shop, he won’t be there to bounce around the corner to see the baby. There were so many people there. Everyone loved him.

Again, situations like this make me think a lot. What if someone close to you dies and you don’t have time to tell them how you feel? Or what if I were to get into a fight with my husband and he would go for a drive to cool off, but get into a wreck? What if something would happen to me before Zoey is old enough to have good memories of me? I need her to know just how much I love her. For this reason, I started writing letters to Zoey.

For my birthday, someone got me a green, leather-ish journal. I don’t keep a journal, so it stayed in the top of Zoey’s closet until yesterday. I took it down from the closet yesterday, and I wrote my first letter to her in that journal. I will continue to do this until the entire book is full. Maybe I’ll start another? Who knows? My plan is to give it to her when she is much older. Possibly when she has a child of her own. She would definitely see me in a different light. She would see me as more of a human than as her mom. Maybe she would learn from my mistakes? Maybe she would see that I was just as clueless about motherhood when first starting out as she will be. Also, if anything happens to me, she will have this book to remind her of how much I love her.

And I do love her. I love her more than anything in this world. I know now that she will never understand how much I love her until she has a baby of her own.

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One Response to “A Chapter Ends, So I Write a New One”

  1. Heather B June 23, 2011 at 9:34 am #

    I’m so sorry about Peppy. I know it’s hard. I love the letter writing so much. I think it’s absolutely beautiful. I’m going to do that when I have children.

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